What we love and hate can be two sides of the same coin

One of the toughest battles in life is trying to change someone we love. We see the little things - running late, being too quiet, talking too much, letting others influence them, living in chaos, or feeling emotionally distant - and we want to fix them. We worry, we argue, we send long messages in the middle of the night, hoping they will finally understand and change. But more often than not, nothing changes.

The truth is, changing someone is hard, if not impossible. No matter how much we love them, no matter how valid our concerns are, the energy we pour into changing them simply drains us instead. The smartest thing we can do is shift our focus to what we can control - our perspective. Instead of fighting the same battles over and over, we can change the way we see things, the way we react, the way we handle our relationships. Not because we finally accept defeat or give up, no. But because the change might not be worth it.

What if the traits that frustrate us the most are actually something we actually love? Maybe their lateness comes from a carefreeness, present-in-the-moment nature? Maybe their people-pleasing comes from deep empathy. Maybe their distance isn’t coldness but a way to process emotions in their own space? It’s possible.

What if, instead of wishing they were different, we tried to understand the full picture? People are not perfect, including us. Especially not us. Truth is - when we don’t accept someone, we are rejecting those parts within ourselves.

Of course there will be things to improve and change but not as much as we think. Let natural consequences teach them the lessons that they need to learn instead of our well-meaning protection hovering over them all the time. In fact, psychology suggests that such protective care hampers their growth.

At the end of the day, the key to better relationships isn’t forcing someone to change. It’s learning to accept them for who they already are. We walk towards them by accepting them more, they walk towards us by changing certain things that genuinely need to change at their pace, in the middle we meet and greet and see that - what we love and hate are two sides of the same coin 🫂